Way too many times I’ve been approached by a Christian inviting me to an event. It does seem harmless, and maybe it is. However, I do not see any atheists reaching out to a pastor inviting them to their anti-deism potluck.
What’s my gripe with free food? Well, going to a church is not the same experience for everyone. For someone who didn’t grow up in the church, appears clean (fits the mold for a viable future Christian, not queer), they can walk in the church guilt-free and without any fear of what the pastor may say. For others, as myself, there is a long history with my ex, God. I see my relationship with Christianity as a real relationship, but more on that another time. I feel as though I’ve been betrayed once I learned about God’s past. I realized that He is not the person (or being) I thought He was. When I walk in a church with that knowledge, and see a pastor preaching about his best friend (my ex), it makes me upset. It’s really hard to hear such good things about someone you don’t like.
In all seriousness, I have no interest in rejoining the faith. I’ve worked very hard learning about religion, Christianity, and belief systems. I feel like I really learned what spirituality means for me, not based on what everyone told me to believe. When someone I know invites me to an event at their church, I feel invalidated by the work that I did. I am proud of that work, but those people refuse to acknowledge it.
I was on campus in college and was approached by a few Mormon missionaries. They started asking me questions about my faith and tried to get my contact information. At the time, I was still a Christian, but I was still very uncomfortable. Fortunately, I was able to get myself out of the situation without sharing my contact info, but approaching someone walking alone at 9pm is not exactly enjoyable.
I also received an invite to go to church from one of my closest friends. Again, I don’t necessarily mind the invite, but going to a church after repeatedly saying I don’t believe feels invalidating. If you don’t recognize my new belief system, it is a form of disrespect to me. I do not try to convince him to stop believing in God, I don’t invite him to atheist conventions (which I don’t go to), and I don’t pick fights about my problems with his belief system. All I ask in return is the same, to let me be.
The same situation goes for my family. I have been invited to multiple events at my sibling’s church. However, the circumstances were a little bit different. My sibling’s spouse was getting baptized, which I recognize as a significant event for their beliefs. I did attend the church that morning, and was very touched by their testimony in relation to my sibling. I could see how much they cared for my sibling, which was the biggest takeaway for me, even if I didn’t believe the religious part of the conversation.
Ultimately, I do not intend on changing the minds of others. I do not care what they believe, so long as it doesn’t hinder my ability to believe what I do. I want to be respected and validated by my family and close friends. When someone is not willing to do that for my spiritual beliefs, it feels invalidating.
Christianity is all about evangelism. In order to spread the word, you have to reach out to “lost” communities. If there’s someone in your close circle, that’s who you ask first. It’s what I was taught growing up, though I never had the guts to go through with something that uncomfortable. I understand why they keep going after my “soul”, trying to save me. At the same time, I have no way to convince them that I want no part, and never will. I’m always open to a conversation, willing to learn and grow, and I also do not want to be forced into an uncomfortable situation in the culture of where I grew up.
Thanks for reading my rant today on a situation I recently experienced. I don’t really have advice to give, other than to trust yourself before accepting what other people tell you. I will separate myself and my beliefs from their actions, because I can see why they are reaching out and trying to “save” me. When the worldview is so specific and you are the target market, they are taking action because they want to help you. Find your people who recognize and accept you for who you are, they won’t be fighting your worldview.
Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and we’ll talk soon.
G
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