Category

Family

  • A Thought on Evangelism

    Way too many times I’ve been approached by a Christian inviting me to an event. It does seem harmless, and maybe it is. However, I do not see any atheists reaching out to a pastor inviting them to their anti-deism potluck.

    What’s my gripe with free food? Well, going to a church is not the same experience for everyone. For someone who didn’t grow up in the church, appears clean (fits the mold for a viable future Christian, not queer), they can walk in the church guilt-free and without any fear of what the pastor may say. For others, as myself, there is a long history with my ex, God. I see my relationship with Christianity as a real relationship, but more on that another time. I feel as though I’ve been betrayed once I learned about God’s past. I realized that He is not the person (or being) I thought He was. When I walk in a church with that knowledge, and see a pastor preaching about his best friend (my ex), it makes me upset. It’s really hard to hear such good things about someone you don’t like.

    In all seriousness, I have no interest in rejoining the faith. I’ve worked very hard learning about religion, Christianity, and belief systems. I feel like I really learned what spirituality means for me, not based on what everyone told me to believe. When someone I know invites me to an event at their church, I feel invalidated by the work that I did. I am proud of that work, but those people refuse to acknowledge it.

    I was on campus in college and was approached by a few Mormon missionaries. They started asking me questions about my faith and tried to get my contact information. At the time, I was still a Christian, but I was still very uncomfortable. Fortunately, I was able to get myself out of the situation without sharing my contact info, but approaching someone walking alone at 9pm is not exactly enjoyable.

    I also received an invite to go to church from one of my closest friends. Again, I don’t necessarily mind the invite, but going to a church after repeatedly saying I don’t believe feels invalidating. If you don’t recognize my new belief system, it is a form of disrespect to me. I do not try to convince him to stop believing in God, I don’t invite him to atheist conventions (which I don’t go to), and I don’t pick fights about my problems with his belief system. All I ask in return is the same, to let me be.

    The same situation goes for my family. I have been invited to multiple events at my sibling’s church. However, the circumstances were a little bit different. My sibling’s spouse was getting baptized, which I recognize as a significant event for their beliefs. I did attend the church that morning, and was very touched by their testimony in relation to my sibling. I could see how much they cared for my sibling, which was the biggest takeaway for me, even if I didn’t believe the religious part of the conversation.

    Ultimately, I do not intend on changing the minds of others. I do not care what they believe, so long as it doesn’t hinder my ability to believe what I do. I want to be respected and validated by my family and close friends. When someone is not willing to do that for my spiritual beliefs, it feels invalidating.

    Christianity is all about evangelism. In order to spread the word, you have to reach out to “lost” communities. If there’s someone in your close circle, that’s who you ask first. It’s what I was taught growing up, though I never had the guts to go through with something that uncomfortable. I understand why they keep going after my “soul”, trying to save me. At the same time, I have no way to convince them that I want no part, and never will. I’m always open to a conversation, willing to learn and grow, and I also do not want to be forced into an uncomfortable situation in the culture of where I grew up.

    Thanks for reading my rant today on a situation I recently experienced. I don’t really have advice to give, other than to trust yourself before accepting what other people tell you. I will separate myself and my beliefs from their actions, because I can see why they are reaching out and trying to “save” me. When the worldview is so specific and you are the target market, they are taking action because they want to help you. Find your people who recognize and accept you for who you are, they won’t be fighting your worldview.

    Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and we’ll talk soon.

    G

  • Isn’t it Easy Being Gay Now?

    Not really.

    I want to talk about a few things about modern queer culture I’ve learned in my experience. Modern queer acceptance is an interesting yet complicated subject that some people believe we have “figured out”. Let me explain.

    I was having a conversation with a family member then they said that I’m accepted in society right now. When they first said that, I didn’t have a great response because, in a lot of ways, they’re right. The gay rights movement has made so much progress and I can’t even imagine what it was like to live in the US when there was no chance of being openly in a couple in public or getting married. But I kept thinking, “then why doesn’t it feel like it?” I think I found a few reasons why.

    First, I had to answer the question, what does it mean to be accepted in society? After all, society is filled with a lot of people we will never meet and have no influence on our lives. To me, being accepted in society means I’m accepted by my family, my friends, and my coworkers. Essentially, all of my social circles’ acceptance of me is what makes me feel welcome in society. These people are the closest to me and those I may have to come out to.

    Another less influential group of people to me personally would be politicians and political media. We are surrounded by news that can influence how we perceive the public opinion on queer rights and even sway the public opinion. Politicians also write the legislation that determine how we get to live and our place in society.

    All of these factors tend to raise anxiety levels when there are so many people that can hurt you just by being yourself. This alone means that there is a lot more nuance about acceptance in modern society than a blanket statement that likely comes from my family member’s perception of mainstream media. With all these factors, for me personally, do I feel accepted?

    For my friends, I absolutely feel accepted by most. It’s pretty easy in my experience to have this, living in a decently large city with queer presence. Friends are also chosen which means, though hard, are not impossible to let go of if they are not accepting. I understand that depending on where you live, you may not have the luxury of choice where everyone seems to think the same, and I’m sorry that you experience that. I hope for those of you in that situation, you will find a source of relief by places like this website where you are truly cared for and can someday find that group for you, too. My experience with my friends doesn’t translate the same for family, however.

    My family is not very accepting. I would consider most of my family members as tolerating my sexuality, and it definitely takes a toll on you. I don’t feel welcome to share my personal life with them when it comes to relationships because when I do, there are awkward reactions that I feel would be very different if I were dating a girl. As I’ve also shared before, there is a bias towards who I date. Check that article out here. They simply have no choice in who I date, which leaves them with being tolerant yet praying and wishing for me to “follow a different path” in life.

    There is not much to say yet about my coworkers because they are not aware of my sexuality. However, I don’t see that as an issue as many are around my age and seem to be accepting without any clear evidence to speak either way.

    If it wasn’t already abundantly clear in the news, there are a number of politicians who think very differently about us, or at least their platform runs on this. I believe it has to do with the recent harmful speech about trans rights that has caused the most uproar and a feeling of moving backwards in society. I do not feel supported or represented by US politicians or in recent elections, though I believe there is enough we see on the news that I don’t need to further explain. It hurts me that many people overlook social issues in the name of their wallets, despite moral concern for safety and wellbeing of other people in your same country.

    Being accepted is a complicated idea to express. It is a feeling we experience from a combination of the people around us treating us as humans, not differently based on who we are. Whether you have accepting friends, family, coworkers, or other social circles or not, know that there are resources available to you. Even though this website can’t give you new friends or family, I hope that it brings you some peace knowing that you are not alone. There are other people out here that feel like you do, understand and validate your feelings and who you are, and truly care about you as a human. Those people are who deserve the closest place to your heart and will make this life just a little more fulfilling. Stay well and keep fighting for your place in society, you deserve it.

    G

  • Giving Thanks for What?

    Sometimes during the holidays I feel like there’s nothing to be thankful for. After being out to my family for two years and having dated someone of the same gender, I would think they were used to it. Instead, we hold the same conversations, disagree about the same things, and they still believe the same misconceptions. How could that be?

    I would hope the words I speak are being listened to, but I have a hard time believing that is the case. I often feel that I put a lot of effort into understanding my family, but that is not reciprocated. If this continues, how can I be thankful for them? Thanks for not kicking me out!

    In all seriousness, it can be hard to even show up at family events such as Thanksgiving knowing you are always going to be seen as different. Having this feeling of judgement about your life and how you choose to live. This leads us to the question, what can we be thankful for this season?

    Remember that we have community.

    We all have someone who loves us unconditionally. That could be a family member, coworker, friend, or someone on the other side of a helpline. It doesn’t matter who it is, there is always someone willing to give you the love you deserve.

    Queer TV and Movies

    For me, it’s been great to see a number of TV shows and movies with queer representation, including more bisexual men. While it’s left to be said if it is changing the culture around these topics, it gives us some comfort watching a show that can really resonate with who we are.

    You

    This website is about a lot of things. Whether you have to deal with the battle of acceptance from your family based on who you are or your religious beliefs, it can be very exhausting to have to continue to explain yourself. However, you know who you are. You don’t have to explain yourself to yourself. Self-love comes at no consequence because there’s no condition and no strings attached.

    Be thankful you have yourself for this journey, and you will never leave your side. It may sound silly to read at first, but it’s true. Cook for yourself, go to the gym, or get enough sleep. Whatever you would consider a loving action for someone else, you can take that action for yourself too.

    No matter where you are, there is a place where you belong. Whether it means you spend Thanksgiving with your family or not, you deserve respect. Take care of yourself and remember you have so much love to give to those who will accept it.

    G